"Take Me To The
King
I don't have much to bring
My heart is torn in pieces
It's my offering
Lay me at the throne
Leave me there alone
To gaze upon your glory
And sing to you this song
Take Me To The King."
- Tamela Mann
Forgive
me...this will be a loooooooonnnnngggg post....
I
went on another journey. A short one this time. 2013 has been filled with
sojourn and travail for me. And I am amazed at the growth it has wrought.
Whenever
I find myself in a painful situation or in the midst of confusion, I find
myself overwhelmed with the war between my emotions and my reason. My emotions
I must confess are a huge source of conflict within me. Sometimes they bubble
and spill over and make themselves known in the things I do and the things I
say and because I am by nature a very talkative extrovert.
This never ends well.
I
am learning that there is one thing I can do that calms me all the way down
into a state of numbness. I relinquish control of everything I feel and think
and it is replaced with an astonishing sense of peace and calm in which I do
not even feel the need to speak much. I find it easy to allow things to take
their natural course when I do this.
I fast.
Usually
I abstain completely from solid food, confining myself to water and the
occasional juice when I feel faint. And I go through the day. Normally. At the
end of each day, I eat. And the cycle begins again at midnight. And believe me
it works. I pray and sing and make conscious decisions to do the right thing
and slowly but surely I find I have developed my self-control and patience and
endurance through this practice.
It has also brought me
so much closer to God in so many ways.
Its
amazing to me how God answers prayer. In the strangest little ways He reminds
you that He is there and He hears and in these short but increasingly frequent
periods of self-sacrifice, I have learnt and experienced this truth in
extremely significant ways. In my personal life and also my spiritual life He
has shown Himself to truly be, "My very present help in time of
trouble."
This
time I decided due to the enormity of my frustration and confusion and the
seriousness of the situations I was dealing with to do things a little bit
different. It was thrust upon me. And I was in the first week of a 40day fast
(yes, I wanna be like Jesus.) But my pastor said to me, "Do an Esther
Fast." And I went and researched it and decided, yes. After all, the
measure of your sacrifice depends on the enormity of your issue or your praise,
not so? In this case, "enormous" was an understatement.
So
I put my stuff together, collected my prayer books and went into seclusion for
72 hours with only one break where I went to work. I was in physical contact
with no more than six people and successfully managed to shut out the entire
world for most of the time by turning off my phone.
I met God.
There
is something about staying away from all food, water, sugar, everything that
you would normally put in your mouth. But there is so much more power in being
completely silent and cut off from everything in your world. All the things and
people you love. Sacrificing that time to be with God. Alone. There is amazing
power in that. The sound of my own voice in the moments that I actually opened
my mouth to speak surprised me.
That is really being
still...
The
Esther Fast requires you to go completely without food and water for three full
days and nights. 72 hours of testing.
The
first day was alright. I woke up in the morning and prayed and wrote and stayed
in silence and meditation all day. No hunger pangs. I even went to work and did
a solid job though it was taxing. I had a guardian angel with me though. He
made sure I was alright and took me home. I went back into isolation and prayed
to close the day.
The
second day was strange. I struggled with the heat and the dehydration caused
dizziness and a distinctly faint feeling. My senses were heightened. For most
of the day I was seeing too bright and hearing too loud. Which was very tiring
as I had to make a trip out into the real world that included the most adorable
little baby. But I maintained my quietness even through the discomfort. And my
meditation brought results and clarity and a feeling of indescribable peace.
The
third and final day I decided to go back into a state of isolated silence and
meditation. And the peace I encountered again I cannot describe. I felt the
pain in my belly and the shortness of breath and the dizziness but it didn't
overshadow the peace and contentment for one second. My best friend was worried
sick by this point. I don't blame him. But the whole time I kept thinking,
"The day he tries this he will understand."
Its a huge commitment.
But I saw it through and I am grateful for my friends who helped me through it
as well. Advising me and checking on me after 6pm. :)
I
am learning the power of commitment. Commitment to something requires your best
even when the going gets tough. And the tougher the going the bigger the
rewards. I choose to follow through with everything I commit to do from now on.
No matter how hard or how fruitless it may appear at times, I will keep my word
and commit.
An
amazing experience, it brought me closer to my Maker. It made me understand
true dependence and faith in His love and provision and in the fact that He
truly does hold me in the palm of his hand. And He speaks. Audibly, in the
still quiet voice, through dreams, through events taking place all around us and
through things people say, He is always speaking.
Tamela
Mann's song, "Take Me To The King" describes the way I felt on the
first day. But by the third day all I could think was, "I Surrender
All." I still cannot really explain what happened. But I am blessed to
know that it did.
I
felt I should share. I am sure I shall soon be able to share the fruits of my
labor. God honors sacrifice. But for right now, I am just happy that I created
a bubble with just me and Him inside it and it was amazing.
Peace, Love,
Forgiveness and Progress,
Miss Chulu.
#TitaniumSolid
#Kilimanjaro
