Kiss me like you'll never see me again...

The moment...

Listening to Alicia Keys tonight while at work, I had a thought that rocked me to my core. I have been following this particular train of thought for the past few weeks but it culminated in a moment in a song where it hit me like a heatwave that life really is too short when it comes to love.

I am single. But I haven't always been and those who know me well will attest to the fact that even though I am pretty cool as a single girl, no pressure there, my nature THRIVES when in a wholesome and healthy relationship. So it follows that I am the kind of person who will fight for what or who I love...no cost, no consequence...all or nothing...

As a result a person like me can very often times find themselves in an unhealthy situation. A situation in which they are taken for granted, emotionally battered and thrown back and forth, shortchanged, under appreciated and just basically made to feel like a sack of raw sirloin under the butcher's mallet. Trust me, nobody ever wants to feel like that.

How many really know what love is...

I think the word "love" has become dangerous. It is often misused. At other times it is used with good intentions but the user finds that they cannot really be responsible for all the things that follow with such a declaration...that is usually where the danger lies. Bridges burn and rebuilding is a costly exercise when the match used to light the fire is betrayal...there are people like me who live for bridge building and do all they can to be the perfect one, but sometimes we mess up and the consequences can be dire...to quote the words of my best friend a week ago "We are all different. Just because you react a certain way it doesn't follow that the next person is required to react the same." And its true. But I have always believed in do unto others...

I like to practice "love" the way my mother taught it to me. Once I asked her what she thought "love" means and she said "The capacity to put another person completely above yourself even to the point of death." many times people think of death as in, losing one's life but I am slowly learning that this death comes in many ways. Dying to my pride, dying to my fear, dying to my insecurities and lack of trust, dying to my selfishness, dying to my love of my own space and individuality...because many times love will require you to become an indivisible part of a powerful whole...death can mean alot of things...but when you are dying to the right things and growing with the right person you find that there is so much life to be lived TOGETHER...

Anyway, I learnt all this in my last relationship. The one relationship that actually made me a visibly better and more patient person. A relationship for which I am absolutely grateful. A relationship with a person who if the moment that I met them came to me again, I would choose him wholeheartedly without a second guess....and I think that's what I needed to learn...that love isn't about it working out and being amazing and for life for everyone...sometimes love is about those moments that are priceless and irreplaceable and that can never be recreated but neither can they be forgotten. Life really is too short. I choose to spend it loving till my last breath, the way God loves me or as close to that as I can get.

And in those moments, be grateful for that moment when you look at the person sitting next to you, hold their hand and smile because that feeling will always be there, no matter how far apart we may truly be...

1 Corinthians 13

#OdeToLastNight #LoveOverEverything #TitaniumSolid #Kilimanjaro

M.M

What's Your Handicap?

Been learning about Golf. The sport. What I like about it is that its described as a "precision sport" and that says a whole lot about the person that excels at it. Aim. Take the shot. Win.

I spent most of my life thinking golf, soccer and rugby were stupid sports. I still think rugby is stupid and my children will not be allowed to play it. Soccer has grown on me. It makes me a little too emotional for my liking though...

Golf is interesting. I always thought it was just about putting the ball into the hole. I didn't know that the guy who puts the ball in using the least number of strokes wins. That's what sold me on it. I'd actually want to learn how to play if my co-ordination was not so awful.

I was thinking about it, and its alot like life.

Do I want to be like the guy that made a bunch of rash and uneccessary decisions and mistakes and kept ending up with the wrong thing and learning from the same mistake over and over to get to where he needed to go; hurting himself and the people who love him in the process, or do I wanna be like the guy who got it right the first time he got the chance to take the shot?

This year its different.

My whole life I kept making wrong turns. In so many places. Not asking for direction can leave you going round in a never ending circle of failure. Its not just about getting there. Having everything. Achieving what I haven't all this time. If it were JUST about getting there it wouldn't matter. But I want to get there through the path that involves the least amount of hurt. And I have had my share of failures already. Enough for me to know that this time around, I can't afford to miss the shot. 

I have one shot left. First putt off the green and I got somewhere. Second putt and I got right next to the hole but I fell short. I only have one shot left and I don't want to waste it.

The difference this time is that I am waiting on the voice behind me telling me to, "Walk this way." Before I thought I had the answers and knew the methods and then I met the biggest challenge of my life that showed me that my understanding is nothing in the face of the realities of life.And that I only have myself to blame. But there's only so much loss one heart can take.

I want to be the one that wins.

I want to be the one that got it right even if I couldn't be the one that got the hole-in-one. I won't go as far as the triple bogey this time. I have too much to lose just between me and you. The lower the handicap the better right? So one stroke left.

 One. Stroke. Left. 

#TitaniumSolid #Kilimanjaro

M.M

124 days Without The Sun.....

Was thinking about this year and all the things I wanna achieve and get going and feel and experience and about how much pressure I keep putting on myself. My best friend is always shaking his head at me and saying, "You're young, you should LIVE." I always have a good argument against his logic. But today I thought about it and realized there is a solution to my restless agitation. Here's my analogy.

This will be a short post...

The electrical company needs a whole lot of machinery to keep power running...generators, a whole water source, transmitters and transformers and a gazillion systems for maintenance. And even then we still have power outages and load shedding. A turbine breaking down, or a transmitter blowing up after being vandalized. So many things that can hinder the smooth supply of electricity.

Consider the alternative.

The sun up in the sky just shines. All you need is a few solar panels and the requisite knowledge to tap into that source and have power all day, and even at night when the sun is out.

Think about results and answers and goals like electricity. And then think about yourself, you're the little power company, Zesco in Zambia, or Zesa if you live in Zimbabwe, or NamPower in Namibia, or whatever; always struggling and pushing and still falling short.

But here's the solution. 

God is the sun.

#TitaniumSolid #Kilimanjaro

Mrs ??? :)

Over 'N Out...