Not Interested....

I sit at the gate of the town and they bring the gossip to me like tribute…I am only one, my ears cannot take it all in and my mouth has no desire to repeat any of it.

The small girl with no behind wore a see-through dress to the event at the new restaurant. They say I should have been there to see it. I was not, and I do not particularly believe it would have cooked my pounded yam any better had I been there to witness this great occurrence. So and So’s husband is sleeping with So and So’s wife. What do you care? Who are YOU sleeping with? Do you know who they are sleeping with? Worry for your own house.

Then they bring me the gossip about my own people. I have to stifle a laugh. You saw my brother in the club with “yellow-bone” Somebody’s ex-girlfriend on the very night and at the very time I was sitting next to him eating rice and curry. I nod quietly and maintain the look of feigned interest on my face. The other day you overheard Patricia say my music grates her carrot, I do not know who Patricia is, why should I care? You bring this to me that I may do what? React?

I sit at the gate of my town and they bring the filth to me like tribute…

When it is about me, that is when it is priceless. My boyfriend is not who I think he is. This said as though you live inside my mind and know what I think. Telepathy now? You know my thoughts before I even speak them. How do you even know that I HAVE a boyfriend??? Facebook??? Lord only knows what stories you come up with as you sit in the salon on your phone texting God knows who about my latest escapades all embarked upon as I lay in my bed last weekend reading a book. But this is good because you create for me a larger than life existence in which I am able to be in two places at the same time, WITH different hairstyles. Really miraculous.

I sit at the gate after you leave, still carrying your basket of fruit to spread more rot within the town…to others who are more likely to eat it up like honey…

I am really not interested.

Who kissed who, who caught their girlfriend in the parking lot with his cousin, who made a sex-tape and how lousy it was, what value does any of this information add to my life? Or more importantly to yours? Do you get paid for it? It matters not to me what the town does when they go out. I do not. I stay home safe and attend their funerals with respect…while you attend their funerals to size each other up and comment on who came with who and what shoes they wore.

It matters not what car little whoever drives, it isn’t his anyway and he has no job to earn an income that enables him to put gas in it…I do not have a car, so I am more concerned with working towards getting one than what the next person drives. I have a job by the way, one I created for myself, what do you do again? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

You read my tweets, status updates and blogposts and judge them, coming to very wrong conclusions and then discuss them amongst yourselves, comment, comment, comment, on my choice of words, my music taste and what I think is funny, refine your words and then bring them to me in that basket, disguised as the words of others. And have the audacity to think you know me…or understand me…or can walk a mile in my shoes. Honey, I have forgotten more about life than you will ever learn…

And while you are out there keeping me relevant, I am busy making myself a better person and concentrating on what is important.

I do not care what you think my boyfriend is…if it were about researching track records and finding people blameless before you dated them, we would ALL be single, yes, you included. For all I know, you wanted him once as well…I am more concerned with whether he is alive and well and loving me than what you think of him…your opinion is about as valuable as the mud splattered on his windscreen.

Wouldn’t it be grand if we could all just live our lives in peace, mind our own business, hide our own poop so to speak instead of going around inspecting the poop of others? I mean your own poop is smelly enough, what you tryna do digging up mine? I think there is more to life than useless “he said, she said” which does not butter your bread anyway….what they do is not your business. While you are so busy watching them and yammering away, your years are passing you by and you remain a two-bit good-for-nothing gossip monger with bad sources. Meanwhile, they keep it moving and go on to be exactly what you said they would never be.

I am grateful for my friends and loved ones who see gossip for exactly the disease that it is and will not repeat or entertain it. I am also grateful for the people in my life who know me and know what I am capable of, they know my history and my indiscretions and they love me anyway because that is what matters in the end…be grateful if you have people like that….

I am also grateful for the existence of people in this world who like me, sit at the gates of their proverbial towns while you bring the gossip in, smelling like fish, and they too are not interested…

INSPIRED BY SILLY SMALL PEOPLE…

Miss Mahogany.

What's Important....

It's my sister's birthday today....this felt appropriate...

My family is my world….

They are beautiful girls…

Everyone knows about me…so I won’t even bother…but I wouldn’t be here without my sisters…was looking at these Kardashian people and realised, I have that too and we are great because family is everything…

Cookie…we will call her that for life…her name is Keziah, a variant of Cassia and it suits her just fine….big eyes, set in the most beautiful caramel coloured face, with a tiny nose and dimples….so smart and focused. Body like a calabash and jet black hair…when I am stupid, she is smart, when I am angry she can shut me up…not always my best friend, but we bleed the same blood…I love it when she laughs and when she defends the clan…our very own lawyer/politician in the making…everything about her makes me proud…

Keren…Little Miss Serious….the smart one…she is studying to be an engineer, something I wouldn’t ever dream of…I love her strength and she looks like a mixed race model…long legs like a gazelle and a gap between her teeth…quirky sense of humour, aloof and Queenly, my precious little baby….I will protect her with my life…she has a son, sooooo beautiful I cannot even begin to express how we love him…a symbol of her strength…she is our Phoenix…

Joanna…God made two improved versions of me…she is the first…hair that curls like springs, big dark eyes, exotic and pretty with a heart full of God…she gives me goosebumps when she prays and she is only 15…the funniest out of all of us, our resident Creepy Clown, and when she dances, the earth moves for her…she is so special, our dark chocolate, curvy Miss Something…peaceful, calm and gentle…slow to speak – actually slow to do everything…but she is ours…”Give me hope, Joanna…”

Suzanna…I didn’t know her very well in the beginning…she is larger than life…a voice like the breeze filtering through trees, light a piercing light, she surprised us all when she sang….genuine laughter and real warm love, the most vicious hugs…you would never forget her…always ready to make and keep friends, and so so so so smart…my little helper with the fierce temper…I love her…

Bernice…God must have chuckled when he made this one….we thought she was the last one in for nine years…so pretty…another one with a gap and dark hair and dark eyes…and legs for days…I know someone who agrees with me when I say the men will fall at her feet when she gets there…she is funny and tough, and very sarcastic and a little silly, head in the clouds…but her feet stay on the ground and life would be really weird without her…

ANANDA…our little miracle baby…and the only one blessed with mummy’s name…she is so tough and grown up already, the second remix of me…so funny and enthusiastic and a little bully as well. That we almost never met her and now she walks and speaks is such a blessing…she was born at less than  kilogram, and stayed in an incubator for weeks before she came home…she is our little rugrat, our cantankerous angel, our “Kupela”…

It easy to forget what’ important sometimes…but lately I find myself remembering more often than not that they keep me grounded…

MIZU……roots…my family are mine…

Miss Mahogany....

A Tale Of Three...

The last piece of the puzzle…who is wrong, who is right, nobody is to say in the end every piece of the puzzle has a role to play in creating the final image…

Humanity is a fragile thing. The expectations placed upon the human heart and mind are often displaced, delusional demands made on the innate nature of man. Man is wired to disappoint. No two ways about it. No matter how good you think I am I make mistakes, do things wrong and sometimes being selfish is easier than patience, understanding or empathy…

I could insert a lot of cocky and arrogant statements here. Like I don’t care or I don’t feel. But I do. And everybody loses in this particular case…

I read something today that touched me…someone asking about the price of happiness…funny thing is I asked that same thing two weeks ago and the answer I got was there will always be a price.

“There is always the cost of foregoing one option in order to attain the benefits of another.”

 I memorized that answer because I knew this day would come.

And so, I guess when all is said and done, no amount of looking back at my imperfections or indiscretions will change who and what I am. I am here for a reason and sometimes in life you don’t have to know that reason. None of this makes any sense but I truly believe that one day it will.

My heart beats stronger than ever now. My blood runs redder than ever. I picked up a jewel I found lying in dust and made it part of me. That is all. And the cost of my happiness is still yet to be seen.

And yet…I will do whatever I must to preserve and maintain it because that is who I am. I am earth, I am water, I am fire, I am light, I am everything and I will not be denied.

In all my musings, I have learned one thing, the heart does what it wills. I have been lied to. So have you. But at the end of the day I choose to pick up the pieces of what is left and move on. And I do this with all the dignity that I can muster given the fact that the underdog sometimes has to eat the front runner’s dust. David and Goliath played ball, David believed, David won. But the price in bloodshed was heavy. Like I said everybody loses here.

And in this tale of three, humanity wins…humanity will always win. It is in accepting the flaws of a man that a people crown a King.

In My Mind....

I heard a song yesterday after a long time...The Floacist's "Alright Then" off her first solo album. Apart from the beautiful strains of strings and piano coupled with the mellifluous clarity of her voice and the rich baritone of a saxophone floating through, the words did much to soothe my weary soul...

In my mind I saw a vision of my journey from there to here...All I have done, learned, endured and experienced, has made me this me, this woman, this person. This person who is now defined.This person who has reached the point of exhaustion. I am now ready to embrace and embody my destiny. 

I stand facing my star...

The thing about destiny though is that you don't just pick it up and wear it. You must climb the mountain to reach your star...

I stand at the foot of my Kilimanjaro...the final climb. I am filled with fear and trepidation as I stand facing this one final giant...memories, history and past attachment...this mass of doubt inducing discouragement that threatens to block my path and turn me away from my quest...and yet...my heart holds steady and fast to the hope in possibility, to the belief in now, in a future, in a change, in the beauty that awaits me at the summit of this climb...

In my mind, my boots are sturdy, my gloves more than adequate, my back is strong and my feet are firm. I will not falter. I have the tools...faith hope. and love without condition...belief in the value of a good heart...that I am here at all is proof enough that if I remain true, steadfast in my convictions, careful in my approach, the possibility of attaining my goal far outweighs the bulk of this Goliath that I grapple with...

I know who I am and what I carry inside me...and because I know this I will look neither to the right nor to the left. I remain, eyes focused on my star, heart without malice, without judgement, only faith....only belief in what my heart knows to be true...truer than the ring of the Archer's golden arrow...I will climb this mountain. Because I am worthy and deserving of the final spot upon its great height in which to place my irrefutable and undeniable mark...never to be usurped, besmudged or erased...

I will reach my star, and it will twinkle as I pick it out of the sky and carry it in my heart...

Everything's gonna be alright in the end......

Miss Mahogany....