This time I must be careful not to
offend. But this is my opinion okay? Good. Today we are going to talk about a
few of my pet peeves. I live in a very colorful society, so full of things to
see and think about.
Another thing I
must make very clear, I am not writing this from a higher moral ground, I am
merely inviting you to sit down at my table and be real about real things that
we all do and go through and
sometimes IGNORE.
I spent the past five years fluctuating
between a size 16 and a size 12. Sometimes you live in denial when you are like
that. So let’s just say I sometimes dressed inappropriately for my weight and
body shape, hey let’s face it big tummies are not the most beautiful things in
ill-fitting clothes. Let me hide behind the “I was young and foolish” excuse.
Because some of the fashion faux pas I committed cannot be blamed on anything
other than foolishness. For instance, top too tight and too short, breasts
hanging out, riding up my waist, bend over to pick up something or reach out to
hug someone with crack showing, okay I never went that far but yes, let’s talk
about that. What happened to the right size of underwear being worn inside the
right pair of jeans? I see this happening so often now that it’s almost
becoming, no wait, it will never be normal. The worst is when the said crack
belongs to a guy. That is just beyond
disgusting. God forbid he should turn around and offer me a contract. I’m
sorry I can’t take anybody who doesn’t mind being semi naked in public
seriously. And to all the ladies who wear traditional beads in their waist, we
really aren’t supposed to see them.
Shoutout to the
men; we have
moved on from the days when “jeans hangin’ low” was cool. No, I mean it and I
think I speak for a lot of other women. I don’t want to see that. Really, I
don’t. Another thing, the skinny jeans
are not for everyone and we don’t want to see them if they are too tight.
Strangling yourself down there. Give us a break please. Also, personal hygiene
is VERY important. Take a shower, in
cold water even…a li’l hand lotion and some deodorant, and don’t forget the
toothpaste yeah? Too many of you seem to think these things are not important, NEWSFLASH! I don’t care what car you
drive, if you stink I won’t be tryna get to know you. Also, cut your nails! GOSH!!!!!!!!!
While we are on the subject, if I say I do not want to give you my
number that should be respected. Same way my decision to decline the drink
you offer should be respected. I do not
want to go to dinner with every man I meet. Nor should I. And if I happen by some chance to agree to dinner, it
doesn’t mean you will get any more than that, you can pay for the pleasure of
my company while you eat your food,( God forbid you are a messy eater), other than
that I am not interested and that doesn’t make me a tease. Men need to respect
the value of a woman, we are not for sale. Something some of us seem to have
forgotten.
Ladies. There is a lot to be said for
good grooming. I really need to figure out what the weave was invented for. I
weave mine once a month, because let’s be real keep it in longer and it starts to
smell funky, nobody wants their man kissing their forehead and smelling feet
and burnt rubber. Color matters too. This
is Africa, where we have black skin, no natural blondes, and God didn’t
make anyone with green or purple hair, let’s leave that for the circus clowns
shall we? The bra strap. Underwear
is for wearing under clothing, not on top of it, or riding above it. And it
doesn’t take much to get measured for the correct size so that it fits, you can
explain “muffin top” but that’s about the only thing you can explain, I don’t
think they have invented a name for strap cutting into shoulder or cup cutting
breast in half.
Another thing we need to stop doing is watching television and thinking we can
copy and paste what we see there into real life. You can’t wear knee high
leather boots in an African summer. Neither is unnecessary attitude an
attractive attribute in any woman. I really don’t care who you are and what you
have, I do me. My life, my bubble; do
you. I will applaud your success. Life is not a sitcom, or a soap opera.
People have bills to pay and gossip never put money in anybody’s bank account.
The last thing on my list; SKIN BLEACHING. *GASP* This appalling
trend needs to stop. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, whatever color
you are. WHY is it necessary in your
mind, for you to apply those horrid smelling concoctions to your skin? No
really, we sit next to you and smell sulphur and brimstone, your hairline,
knuckles and feet are a funny shade of blackened brown while the rest of you
that is visible is yellow, orange and red. You are usually the ones wearing the
blonde weave. We call you “red brick
women.” Yes, we do. This trend is ugly. Dark skin, light skin, uneven toned
skin like mine, all of us are beautiful
the way we are without all those cancer inducing applications that seem to
be all the rage now, a glaring example of the low self-esteem many of us carry
around like a crutch.
All these things in my list say a lot
about who we are, our identity, how we want to be perceived. I want to be taken seriously. I do. So
I am clean and well spoken; polite and gracious and friendly and bathed. I am a
sucker for a gentleman with good manners,
good grammar, in clean clothes, occasionally a properly fitting suit, good
shoes, clean hair who knows some politics, some good books, some poetry and has
self-respect. (INSERT NAME HERE)
Lately, however, there seem to be more over-age men and under-age boys drinking
at all hours of the day and night, cussing and competing over foolish things in
their vests and sagged jeans. You
attract what you project. Lack of progress cannot attract somebody who
wants to move forward in life, not a woman, not an employer, not even good
friends. Same goes for the inappropriately dressed young ladies loitering in
malls, asking for drinks from strangers in pubs, wasting time with jealous
gossip, malice and slander in the hair salon and over drinks instead of doing
constructive things. Ugly attracts ugly.
Decide who you want to be and live like you mean it.
Food for
thought.
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