Not Interested....

I sit at the gate of the town and they bring the gossip to me like tribute…I am only one, my ears cannot take it all in and my mouth has no desire to repeat any of it.

The small girl with no behind wore a see-through dress to the event at the new restaurant. They say I should have been there to see it. I was not, and I do not particularly believe it would have cooked my pounded yam any better had I been there to witness this great occurrence. So and So’s husband is sleeping with So and So’s wife. What do you care? Who are YOU sleeping with? Do you know who they are sleeping with? Worry for your own house.

Then they bring me the gossip about my own people. I have to stifle a laugh. You saw my brother in the club with “yellow-bone” Somebody’s ex-girlfriend on the very night and at the very time I was sitting next to him eating rice and curry. I nod quietly and maintain the look of feigned interest on my face. The other day you overheard Patricia say my music grates her carrot, I do not know who Patricia is, why should I care? You bring this to me that I may do what? React?

I sit at the gate of my town and they bring the filth to me like tribute…

When it is about me, that is when it is priceless. My boyfriend is not who I think he is. This said as though you live inside my mind and know what I think. Telepathy now? You know my thoughts before I even speak them. How do you even know that I HAVE a boyfriend??? Facebook??? Lord only knows what stories you come up with as you sit in the salon on your phone texting God knows who about my latest escapades all embarked upon as I lay in my bed last weekend reading a book. But this is good because you create for me a larger than life existence in which I am able to be in two places at the same time, WITH different hairstyles. Really miraculous.

I sit at the gate after you leave, still carrying your basket of fruit to spread more rot within the town…to others who are more likely to eat it up like honey…

I am really not interested.

Who kissed who, who caught their girlfriend in the parking lot with his cousin, who made a sex-tape and how lousy it was, what value does any of this information add to my life? Or more importantly to yours? Do you get paid for it? It matters not to me what the town does when they go out. I do not. I stay home safe and attend their funerals with respect…while you attend their funerals to size each other up and comment on who came with who and what shoes they wore.

It matters not what car little whoever drives, it isn’t his anyway and he has no job to earn an income that enables him to put gas in it…I do not have a car, so I am more concerned with working towards getting one than what the next person drives. I have a job by the way, one I created for myself, what do you do again? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

You read my tweets, status updates and blogposts and judge them, coming to very wrong conclusions and then discuss them amongst yourselves, comment, comment, comment, on my choice of words, my music taste and what I think is funny, refine your words and then bring them to me in that basket, disguised as the words of others. And have the audacity to think you know me…or understand me…or can walk a mile in my shoes. Honey, I have forgotten more about life than you will ever learn…

And while you are out there keeping me relevant, I am busy making myself a better person and concentrating on what is important.

I do not care what you think my boyfriend is…if it were about researching track records and finding people blameless before you dated them, we would ALL be single, yes, you included. For all I know, you wanted him once as well…I am more concerned with whether he is alive and well and loving me than what you think of him…your opinion is about as valuable as the mud splattered on his windscreen.

Wouldn’t it be grand if we could all just live our lives in peace, mind our own business, hide our own poop so to speak instead of going around inspecting the poop of others? I mean your own poop is smelly enough, what you tryna do digging up mine? I think there is more to life than useless “he said, she said” which does not butter your bread anyway….what they do is not your business. While you are so busy watching them and yammering away, your years are passing you by and you remain a two-bit good-for-nothing gossip monger with bad sources. Meanwhile, they keep it moving and go on to be exactly what you said they would never be.

I am grateful for my friends and loved ones who see gossip for exactly the disease that it is and will not repeat or entertain it. I am also grateful for the people in my life who know me and know what I am capable of, they know my history and my indiscretions and they love me anyway because that is what matters in the end…be grateful if you have people like that….

I am also grateful for the existence of people in this world who like me, sit at the gates of their proverbial towns while you bring the gossip in, smelling like fish, and they too are not interested…

INSPIRED BY SILLY SMALL PEOPLE…

Miss Mahogany.