There is nothing
more important in this life, in anybody's journey than the knowledge of self. I
say this because I know the difference. Lost
is a dangerous place to be.
I was listening to
my pastor talk the other weekend and something he said struck me. The effect of
it was a profound sense of gratitude for the fact that I know myself. He said
we often do things to ourselves and shortchange ourselves and sell ourselves
short because we do not know ourselves. When you do not know yourself, you do
not know what you're capable of or what you're worth or what you deserve.
Skin bleaching is a
great example of this. And I am very judgmental of people who practice it. God
made you the way you are. You do not appreciate or realize your own beauty. So
you look around and think that the light skinned girl is the prettier one. Then
you go out and buy the cream and "caro-lite" your way into unrecognizable
oblivion. You have to maintain it.
But it doesn't block out the sound of people chuckling at your stubbornly dark
knuckles or discolored cheekbones in summer when the sun burns you the color of
red bricks. Similar thing with most cases of anorexia.
Knowledge of self.
Knowing yourself is
the difference between taking what is thrown at you and taking what you're
worth. Knowing yourself is the difference between accepting maltreatment and
walking away from unhealthy situations. Knowing yourself is power.
Once upon a time I
was lost. And I blamed everyone else for my lack of direction. Too many voices
speaking to me, watering down my true instincts, darkening the light of my true
gifts. So I wasted time. I have been asked numerous times why I studied Law. I
thought I would like it. I saw it on television and thought I would be good at
it. Then I got into class and only liked two modules. Went to Moot Court and
made a colossal fool of myself. I already knew it wasn't for me. But I had BEEN
paying school fees. I had to stick it out. Meanwhile, my true gift was on the
back burner, dying out.
Don't get me wrong.
I am going to do my last year and hang that degree on the wall next to my first
one. And after that I'll hang my daughter's first grade diploma next to it too.
But it is not and was not ever my calling. My
true path in life. It took learning and finding myself for me to accept and
commit to letting that go. Along with numerous toxic relationships, feelings,
baggage and disappointments. Because all of those are the weights that cause
you to sink into the cesspool of mediocrity. And out here we have no time for
mediocre. None at all.
I learnt that I am
a creator by nature. A lover, a carer and a nurturer. My strengths are
understated. I am not brash and "gangster" and rough. I am more like
the steady, quiet wave that washes away at the stone till it erodes and is no
more. My character is strong and well defined. And it inspires emotion and
loyalty in most, envy and extremely intense dislike in others. But I know myself. I have learnt what I am
good at and I am working to sharpen and hone those skills and those qualities
to make them my greatest and most valuable assets.
I also learnt the
negative things about myself. Starch is not my friend. And yet, I have an
amazing weakness for it. I am also lazy. Not
a good character trait for a woman. I am a chronic procrastinator and I
allow myself to be paralyzed by the fear of failure. But you see, in knowing
these things, I have found the freedom and the strength to do something about
them. So I am watching my starch intake and FINALLY working out to keep fit,
stay a normal size and be healthy. Taking my issues into my own hands and
dealing with them. I am also pushing myself more and more to do what is
required of me when it is required of me rather than put it off till tomorrow.
Huge thing has been facing my fears. I mean what's the worst that could happen?
Nobody really ever died from failing at something.
This knowledge and
awareness translates into every aspect of life. Even in relationships. Half the
time people fight and yell and do hurt to each other because both parties are
lost. Know you. Know what
"you" wants. Know how you can get it. When you are unhappy, deal
with THAT issue. You will surprised at how constructive and honest
communication helps to solve problems without creating new ones. Its a
different kind of maturity. A different kind of "go-getting". Because
you know yourself, so you know what you will not tolerate and you know exactly
how to address that and get effective responses and results. This isn't just
relevant to romance either. Even professional relationships can be helped by
virtue of finding and cultivating this knowledge and awareness of self.
Knowledge is Power.
I am powerful
enough to make a difference for myself and for others because I know who I am. I
know what I have to offer. And I can attract the right price for my craft, the
right people, the right treatment because I silently demand it just by being and
fully occupying the place I have
been given to be truly myself…
You can too…
#TitaniumSolid
#Kilimanjaro
Miss
Mahogany.
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