Take Me To The King...

"Take Me To The King

  I don't have much to bring

  My heart is torn in pieces

  It's my offering

  Lay me at the throne

  Leave me there alone

  To gaze upon your glory

  And sing to you this song

  Take Me To The King."

  - Tamela Mann

Forgive me...this will be a loooooooonnnnngggg post....

I went on another journey. A short one this time. 2013 has been filled with sojourn and travail for me. And I am amazed at the growth it has wrought.

Whenever I find myself in a painful situation or in the midst of confusion, I find myself overwhelmed with the war between my emotions and my reason. My emotions I must confess are a huge source of conflict within me. Sometimes they bubble and spill over and make themselves known in the things I do and the things I say and because I am by nature a very talkative extrovert.

This never ends well.

I am learning that there is one thing I can do that calms me all the way down into a state of numbness. I relinquish control of everything I feel and think and it is replaced with an astonishing sense of peace and calm in which I do not even feel the need to speak much. I find it easy to allow things to take their natural course when I do this.

I fast.

Usually I abstain completely from solid food, confining myself to water and the occasional juice when I feel faint. And I go through the day. Normally. At the end of each day, I eat. And the cycle begins again at midnight. And believe me it works. I pray and sing and make conscious decisions to do the right thing and slowly but surely I find I have developed my self-control and patience and endurance through this practice.

It has also brought me so much closer to God in so many ways.

Its amazing to me how God answers prayer. In the strangest little ways He reminds you that He is there and He hears and in these short but increasingly frequent periods of self-sacrifice, I have learnt and experienced this truth in extremely significant ways. In my personal life and also my spiritual life He has shown Himself to truly be, "My very present help in time of trouble."

This time I decided due to the enormity of my frustration and confusion and the seriousness of the situations I was dealing with to do things a little bit different. It was thrust upon me. And I was in the first week of a 40day fast (yes, I wanna be like Jesus.) But my pastor said to me, "Do an Esther Fast." And I went and researched it and decided, yes. After all, the measure of your sacrifice depends on the enormity of your issue or your praise, not so? In this case, "enormous" was an understatement.

So I put my stuff together, collected my prayer books and went into seclusion for 72 hours with only one break where I went to work. I was in physical contact with no more than six people and successfully managed to shut out the entire world for most of the time by turning off my phone.

I met God.

There is something about staying away from all food, water, sugar, everything that you would normally put in your mouth. But there is so much more power in being completely silent and cut off from everything in your world. All the things and people you love. Sacrificing that time to be with God. Alone. There is amazing power in that. The sound of my own voice in the moments that I actually opened my mouth to speak surprised me.

That is really being still...

The Esther Fast requires you to go completely without food and water for three full days and nights. 72 hours of testing.

The first day was alright. I woke up in the morning and prayed and wrote and stayed in silence and meditation all day. No hunger pangs. I even went to work and did a solid job though it was taxing. I had a guardian angel with me though. He made sure I was alright and took me home. I went back into isolation and prayed to close the day.

The second day was strange. I struggled with the heat and the dehydration caused dizziness and a distinctly faint feeling. My senses were heightened. For most of the day I was seeing too bright and hearing too loud. Which was very tiring as I had to make a trip out into the real world that included the most adorable little baby. But I maintained my quietness even through the discomfort. And my meditation brought results and clarity and a feeling of indescribable peace.

The third and final day I decided to go back into a state of isolated silence and meditation. And the peace I encountered again I cannot describe. I felt the pain in my belly and the shortness of breath and the dizziness but it didn't overshadow the peace and contentment for one second. My best friend was worried sick by this point. I don't blame him. But the whole time I kept thinking, "The day he tries this he will understand."

Its a huge commitment. But I saw it through and I am grateful for my friends who helped me through it as well. Advising me and checking on me after 6pm. :)

I am learning the power of commitment. Commitment to something requires your best even when the going gets tough. And the tougher the going the bigger the rewards. I choose to follow through with everything I commit to do from now on. No matter how hard or how fruitless it may appear at times, I will keep my word and commit.

An amazing experience, it brought me closer to my Maker. It made me understand true dependence and faith in His love and provision and in the fact that He truly does hold me in the palm of his hand. And He speaks. Audibly, in the still quiet voice, through dreams, through events taking place all around us and through things people say, He is always speaking.

Tamela Mann's song, "Take Me To The King" describes the way I felt on the first day. But by the third day all I could think was, "I Surrender All." I still cannot really explain what happened. But I am blessed to know that it did.

I felt I should share. I am sure I shall soon be able to share the fruits of my labor. God honors sacrifice. But for right now, I am just happy that I created a bubble with just me and Him inside it and it was amazing.

Peace, Love, Forgiveness and Progress,

Miss Chulu.

#TitaniumSolid #Kilimanjaro