Happy New Year!!!

As predictable and bla bla bla as it is, and also given the fact that I had already decided not to blog. But I will...one for the road so to speak, before I go on leave...

I have to say though that 2013 was quite the year.

I loved, lost, got it back, lost it, got it back, lost it and got it back in a new bottle...I learnt endurance, patience, how to pick my battles, how to pray, what NOT to do when you have a wardrobe malfunction, how to be calm under pressure (to the point where I have been certified crazy), how to admit when I'm wrong without the "but", how to call a spade a spade even when its scary...so many things I learnt. The biggest highlight though was my first ever slow dance...26 years on this earth without a slow dance but it was more than worth the wait...

Not an easy year...alot of changes both good and bad occurred. Alot of growing, some of it extremely painful. Alot of digging up and sifting through the past and facing a lot of scary monsters in the closet of my mind. I have to say that was probably the most painful part of this journey, but the most meaningful and effective. Because there is something in looking back and asking yourself if you have really forgiven that person or are really over that situation and sitting here, I can proudly say that the past is finally the past, all demons and devils put to rest, buried and on their way to being forgotten. The freedom in that is amazing.

I also learnt who my friends are, and the wisdom in not holding on to everything and everyone, I mean, I only have two hands. I gained some surprisingly refreshing new friends, ate some really good burgers, let go of a whole platoon of people who were not adding any value to my life, accepted that some people in my life are not reliable and that it is true when they say that "People are wired to disappoint." I also learnt not to take so many things personally. Sometimes it really isn't my fault.

I learnt that Love is a heavy HEAVY thing. Before I thought I loved. But once in your life you meet a person and for good or bad they shatter everything you believed about yourself and the value of feelings. They make you rethink your policies on commitment and "not caring" they make you do, say and feel things and go places you never before even dreamed possible...no matter how hard it is they make you better, tougher, steadier, more mature, stronger and THAT is what love is supposed to do. Its not supposed to destroy and leave you crumpled on the floor. I have learnt that. And I believe now more than ever in Love. The 1st Corinthians 13 kind...the Song Of Solomon variety.

My family have become so dear to me. I finally know how they feel about me and I was delightfully surprised. My mother even though she can be classically annoying is a freaking hero! I wish I could be even half of who she is. I finally made peace with my emotionally elusive father, another HUGE step in a future direction. I am very proud of how solid my relationship with my family is now. Very very proud.

God. Is. Great. He has met me and spoken to me and shown me things and sent me messengers and angels and miracles and blessings that I sometimes cannot believe. I learnt that worry limits God. So I am now on my way to relieving myself of that particular burden of my character. I fasted and prayed. So much peace I found. And I know for a fact that God heals, loves, protects and provides and I know it for myself.

To be honest, 2013 though turbulent was a really good year. I am grateful for it and excited to see what wonders lie in the 360 odd days ahead.

Happy New Year!

M.M