I was talking to a friend of mine a couple of months ago.
About life and where we have come from and what we aspired to be and how
absolutely FAR from those goals we are. Its shameful really. I had such big
dreams man! But you grow and you change, priorities get mixed up and you
find yourself, wanting and liking and indulging in things that when you were 14
considered an absolute waste of time. We were friends especially when I was 15
and 16 and the beginning of 17 before the riffraff took my life. But that's
another story for another day.
Anyway, we were talking and in the course of the conversation
we meandered towards the subject of men, relationships, marriage and
"wife-dom" that she calls, "The Calling." That made me
laugh out loud. But its true. Out here where we come from, a female child is born and oftentimes groomed
from a very young age for her ultimate expression of womanhood which I guess is
being somebody's wife. In the villages, from young ages, girls are tampered with
even before they reach full bloom, taught many traditional things and sometimes
undergo borderline genital mutilation in my opinion...in addition to these less
comfortable aspects they are also taught how to take care of a home, the
virtues of waking up early, how to cook and rear children. Very little focus is
given to formal education in many of these situations. But this type of
upbringing more often than not produces at the very least, strong women and
powerful wives. They fulfill their calling well when the time comes. Going
through all the rituals and doing everything right, no matter the cost to their
dignity, safety and self-respect in some sad cases.
I have never lived in the village. But my grandmother is a
reliable source.
On our side of things, the dynamics are slightly different. We
are born and dressed in pinks and yellows, pampered and princessed and sent to
school at the age of three. We learn how to read, write, color, draw, speak
proper, sing and play minor musical instruments. Sometimes we have to indulge
in sports. We are plunged into a swimming pool at age five and we learn "doggy
paddle" and breast stroke. We join the Girl Scouts, and then when we get
to fifth grade "the calling" begins. Home Economics. At home we learn
how to do dishes and shine floors and cook basic meals to feed a family of
four. I could cook in the sixth grade. And I wasn't a bad baker either. I LOVED
Homecraft with Mrs Maulu! Always got good grades in that! Forget math! Then we
hit puberty and grandma comes to explain about the blooming...how to keep clean
and be aware of BOYS.
From there, the rest of your life silently revolves around
"the calling" for most of us. There are those who rebel against the
general norm. But for the rest, you are constantly reminded how to behave
around the opposite sex, your home making skills are honed to near perfection,
you have to watch how you dress, speak and carry yourself because "Men
don't marry rowdy women."
You go to university to do for yourself and get a
qualification and maybe learn a profession. Then the plan is to save and groom
yourself for your own home and your own life preferably as a good man's pretty,
educated wife.
The Calling.
These days however, most of us have changed our way of
thinking and this was the gist of the conversation. We are both on either end
of the spectrum. My friend is a budding career woman, running her own business
and pushing to become a powerful entrepreneur and mentor amongst other things.
Eventually she may settle down, but she doesn't really really mind if that
takes a while because "the calling" is not as strong in her. And that
seems to be the case with a lot of women these days. That pull is there. But
the essence of it is lost. You get married for the security of your home and
"man" and balance. And then you pretty much go on living your life,
building your individual legacy, making your name and your place in the world.
The aspect of submissive, wifely, servitude fades into the responsibility of
jointly supporting your life and the lives of your children. So you have a
nanny and a gardener and you drive separate cars and have separate bank accounts
and sometimes, keep your maiden name.
Its not such a huge deal anymore, this calling.
But there are a handful of us who still just want to be just
that. For me I will go as far as saying, if the economy allowed it, I'd settle
for being a housewife who occasionally stepped out to perform for a full house
and then went back home to rub her husband's feet. That would make me insanely
happy. The other side of the spectrum. Being "Mrs *insert his full
names here*"
I have said it before. A perfect day in my life would be to
wake up at 5 while its still dark and step into the wardrobe to pick out his
suit for the day. Make sure his shoes are shiny and his socks correctly paired.
Then go into the bathroom and run the shower for him before I wake him up to
step into its warm spray. Then to the kitchen; perfectly soft toast with butter
and preserves, scrambled eges sprinkled with cheese, bacon and sausages on a
tray next to perfectly wrapped cutlery and a hot mug of Rooibos tea for him to
find when he comes downstairs to get help adjusting his perfectly pressed tie.
Off to work he goes while I make sure my kids are bathed and ready for school,
in the car, lunches packed and hair briskly brushed. Then after I drop them off
head home to clean the house and make lunch before the clock strikes 11. And
this is just the description of my morning.
That's the kind of life I want to live. The type of wife I
want to be. Perfectly fulfilling my calling. Submitting and respecting and
helping steer the ship as my Captain directs. A life of humble joyful servitude,
love and partnership with my K1ng. I can see my friends shaking their heads.
But I actually believe nothing in this life would make me happier. Of course
not living off him...but even my extra curricular activities are meant to be
homey things like an events and interior decoration business and a cafe and
restaurant or two. Comfortable enough to make good money and still see me off
at 4pm to go home and make a yummy dinner to be ready at 6 when he gets home to
help his kids with their homework.
A perfect life in my book.
I didn't always want to live this way. I wanted to be a
lawyer and change the world. Drive expensive cars and not have any kids at all.
I wanted to be wealthy and powerful and wear power suits. Very ambitious I was.
But I calmed down. And now that my feet are back on the ground, there is a
certain beauty in womanhood that I feel can only be expressed fully when
cultivated by the right kind of manhood. And that's what matters to me now. As
weak and sappy as that sounds. Devotion to one man, one life, and the lives of
his children for the rest of my life above and beyond all other things, because
at the end of the day, no matter how much money I make, he is still the one
person I will want next to me when my head hits the pillow at night, and I
better have made sure before I went out that he was happy. That is bliss to me.
That's the kind of person I am.
I don't know how many women wish they had or will have this
sort of life. Do you? I certainly do. A perfect little cocoon, safe and warm and
home. Shielded by the love and guidance of our families steadily moving along on
this sea of life...another beautiful story, a fulfillment of what I think was
God's original plan for man and woman when he made them. No shade thrown at the
"go-getting" women, we all need to have a little bit of that, but I
think I suit "the calling" just fine.
#TitaniumSolid #Kilimanjaro
Miss Mahogany.
