Wishlist

Don’t ask me what brought this on…but I should probably start making some commitments to myself. This will not be a poetic entry, an outpouring of my heart and soul. No. This one is a list of all the things I dream about that may or may not ever happen, but I am wishing for them anyway…

1.        Get my driver’s licence. Now I know this may surprise some people, but I have been delaying this particular milestone for the past eight years. I don’t even know why. But I think it might have a lot to do with the fact that Zambian roads scare the bird poop outta me. This year in particular, I will suck it up and get over this abnormal spirit and get my licence because I can actually drive, especially ON SUNDAYS.

2.        Finish my law degree. This will make my father very happy to hear. It isn’t that I do not appreciate the value of a good education. I mean I have one degree already, graduated at 20. But. And this is a big but, I am a waste of a book education. I am intelligent and get things really easily and pass without too much effort, but I don’t think I’ll ever really use whatever I learn because the things I want to do have nothing to do with the things we learn in class. However, that being said, I started it. I have a year to go. I will finish it. Mind made up.

Now to those things that fit the list of dreams….

3.        Holiday in Cancun. Do not be deceived. I am not one of those bling lovers. I just love the beach and I have only been there once. I will make it a point at least once in my life to go and bask in the sun on a white beach with clear blue water….I really want to do that.

4.        Own a fleet of BMWs. Again this is not me being a lover of things. Once upon a someday long ago, my mother made up her mind that one day, no matter what, she would own a luxury vehicle. And now she does. Bought it brand new. To do this particular thing would be to prove to myself that even the dumbest dreams can come true if you are willing to put in what it takes to achieve them. And you have to admit, they are more often than not BEAUTIFUL cars!

5.        Go skiing on the Swiss Alps. Or somewhere else that’s really cold and snowy. Because it looks like a beautiful thing to do.

6.        Wear a bikini and swim in the Indian Ocean. Yes. This one has everything to do with my self-esteem. I do not swim in public. (Bordering on baring my soul tendencies again.) I have spent most of my life thinking of myself as less than beautiful. For a myriad of reasons. But also because, let’s face it, I am overweight. Or I was. But I think I am doing a good job of overcoming that and trying to work at changing what I do not really like about myself. One day soon I will hit my goal weight and then I will convince my new best friend to go to Zanzibar with me and we will eat prawns and whatever other stuff they cook there that isn’t the creepy sea food he likes and I will wear a red and gold bikini and swim in the ocean and do our confetti thing and make him take pictures. That is what I will do. This one I will definitely do.

7.        Go shopping in NYC. This is another thing that might require the company of my best friend. The female one this time. Because there is nobody in this world that I miss doing things with more. But I went there once and saw the city lights and LOVED it! And one day I will go back again just to splurge and drink lattes. Watch this space.

8.        Get breast reduction surgery. I get horrid backaches.

The next three things are things I really want...things that I am working hard towards, or at least praying happen because let’s be honest, each one of us has our basic nature, made up of fears and dreams and hopes and aches and things that when we are all alone and not pretending, matter…mean a lot…things we really want and are afraid of not getting or not achieving. But before I die I want to do these three things.

9.        Build my mother a house and get her another blow-your-mind car. Whichever one she wants. I know it will mean nothing to her. But it would mean everything to me to give her something huge to represent my gratitude for all she has done for me. Notice my mother features a lot in my life. She means the world to me.

10.     Headline a Zambian show in Zambia with a revolving stage and a full orchestra. This one is self-explanatory. And I will do it. If it is the last thing I do my band and I will make this happen.

11.     Be happy. Now this one is complicated. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy now. Content with my life and all it contains and secure in the knowledge that the things I need are all present and the things I want can be achieved with a little more work. But for me, and I said this a couple days ago, happiness would be in being complete in myself as a woman, the daughter of my mother, She has seven children and a twenty-eight year old marriage under her belt. So yes. Happiness to me would be waking up in the morning next to the sleeping form of a man who loves me completely and utterly, with every ounce of his being, cleaning his house, running his bathwater, ironing his shirts and making his breakfast, bearing his sons, taking them to school every day and making banana bread and buttermilk muffins for them to eat when they get home, knowing they think the world of me and will one day meet girls and compare them to their mother; being beautiful and sweet when he comes home to me asking him about his day while serving up his dinner, dancing for love before he goes to sleep at night and lying next to his sleeping form before I turn out the light knowing that till the day I die, it would be that way. Don’t judge me, I am a simple old soul, but this would be my happiness.

So this is my wishlist…..a lot of funny things go through my head. But I will always be this simple girl with simple dreams, looking through the window to see what life is bringing to my doorstep next and embracing it with everything in me.

Unforgettably yours,

Miss Mahogany.