Food For Thought...

In search of wholeness…I am in search of wholeness. This means a sense of fulfilment, contentment, satisfaction with the state of my heart and mind and life; all elements of my being in sync and in a good place where I will be filled with peace and clarity and purpose.

I have recently begun to do things a little different. I am not a proud or particularly arrogant person, but I have decided to begin to study humanity in the little places I can find it and thereby, grow in the area of humility.

In this quest I have begun to examine aspects of life in different terms from those I am used to. For instance, this week I intend to move around using public transport. Not that I have never done so, I do not own a car so I am well acquainted with the workings of the bus system (this will make someone I know smile and shake their head), but this week I want to take in the sights and sounds and see what really goes on in real life outside my very protected bubble.

Last weekend I had a chance to spend a day closely observing how “the other half” live.  I went to get braids done. *insert pretty picture here* they are very nice and cost next to nothing. But while I was there I was inspired by someone I met to write this post. My aunt and I took a walk to a place relatively near home but so drastically different that it took my breath away to think on it. We walked in the sun, over a bridge, and then another and got a cab at a bus stop. Then we drove through a strange neighbourhood on a perfect road, flanked on both sides by shabby structures. It filled me with a sense of sadness to know that just down the road are huge houses and even a fancy new hotel in which people live and eat and sleep happily with no care or second thought for the people so close to them that so often go without even the bare necessities.

We went to the house and met the people there and proceeded to sit on a straw mat underneath a pretty little tree. The girl who did my hair is in her late teens and has a five month old baby they fondly call “Baby Doll”…so cute…chubby and warm and dressed in a cloth diaper and pretty socks with not a care in the world because she is surrounded by love. Anyway, we were under the tree for a little while before she called another girl to help and this girl came with another girl named Millie who is the reason for this little outpouring of sentiment.

Millie is short, about 11 years old, dark skinned with cornrows in her head that we call “mukule” and the prettiest smile you have ever seen. A beautiful, playful little minx singing and playing and laughing in the dirt. She came to play and watch and ask questions. Then she helped out with the baby, took the clothes off the line and bartered her dishwashing services for a portion of “viwaya” or fried corn. All the while singing, smiling and laughing till the sun came down and she made me think that that is what true joy and peace should be like. She doesn’t have everything but she has what she has and she is at peace. Isn’t that what we want?

These people are different from me. They did not eat the whole time I was there and when it got cold nobody went looking for a sweater they just kept on with whatever they were doing. They do not waste, they share; the same water they used to bathe the baby, they used to soak her dirty clothes because they have no water. At 15:00 hours the nearby Care Centre for Family Health opens its tap for the neighbouring homes to come only once a day and collect water for the night and the following day. In my mind I thought about the things we take for granted, like running water.

When the wig ran out they walked to God knows where with no shoes on to find some more because they didn’t want me to trouble myself and come back the next day. They came back singing and smiling. They offered me food and water and when I said I didn’t feel well they offered me a bed to sleep on to get away from the sun. They do all this with love and kindness in their gestures and words. That is strange to see because I am a stranger to them and where I come from people are not kind for nothing. Millie, smiling and singing the whole time, so beautiful that you almost don’t see that her heels on her little bare feet are cracked and her clothes are torn.

At sundown my aunt and I walked home in the dark. Walking through the ghetto at such a time is not the safest thing to do. There we were in our pumps and jeans, my hair all new, with my somewhat light skin and huge eyes, sticking out like sore thumbs, in the middle of dust and drunk people, braziers and loud music playing in bars. Scary and uncomfortable for us, but home for them. When we got home I was so relieved to take a bath and eat rice and buttered vegetables and sleep in a warm soft bed. I was also ashamed.

I know for a fact that where I live with the people I know in the places I go, more often than not there is conflict and strife, dissatisfaction, lack of understanding, pride, wanting to be better than, earn better than, gossip, malice, selfishness, and all sorts of other base emotions. But out there where I spent the day, they are different, the energy was so positive and peaceful, calming. Different. Out there they don’t have the trappings of our artificial world. They only have what they have and each other and because they accept that, they are content and they live their lives in peace. It shows in their resilience, their sense of family and community, their respectful kindness and the peace that envelops them like a cloud. Of course it doesn’t apply to every single one of them, but being out there, watching Millie I wanted to have that peace.

The peace that comes from knowing that I am here, now and that is enough.

So I spent most of the next day thinking long and hard about my life and mentally weeding out all the unnecessary things in my life. Emotions that will take me nowhere and grudges I did not know I was holding. At the end of this exercise, as I write this, I am filled with a sense of sadness at how much we take for granted out here where everything is comfortable. I made a choice from now on to never let it be said that I was ungrateful. I will live each day being thankful for the little things, the minor victories and learning from the pitfalls. Taking lessons and sowing them as seeds of wisdom to grow into plants of wisdom for others to learn from without having to taste their bitter fruit. 

Above all making sure that those I love and cherish know every minute of every waking day that they mean the absolute world to me and that my life would be nothing without them. Even those that stand afar and watch over me, people from my past that made an impact or helped me make the changes I needed to make to become this person that they are proud of today. And to all those that remain and stay a part of my journey even if it is in the smallest way, I am thankful for you and for life and for being able to wake up every day and know the sun is shining even though I don’t see it and take a breath and a step and be me.

I am glad I went to Chazanga. I am glad I am here this year and going through all the things I am going through, because I am growing and changing and becoming the person I am meant to be. I am so glad. And I know all of this will make sense in the end.  So in the spirit of the journeys we are taking I am further inspired to keep putting right foot in front of left, one day at a time until we get to the top of these mountains…

#TitaniumSolid #Kilimanjaro

Miss Mahogany.