Oh God what the hell am I doing though???
Its the third time I am going to this girl's house. I hate myself before and afterwards. But when I am there its like I can't think.
What is that fog that covers my mind when I'm with her? Justifying my disgusting behavior? Because its disgusting what I am doing. Thank God Su will never know. I don't think I could handle it.
I need to end this.
I know what I need and its not this.
I miss Suwi. She always knows what to say to calm me down. Even when she is annoying, I love her. She is so beautiful and kind and gentle and giving. I never really wanted someone like that. You have to be answerable to someone like that. But she took care of me from day one and I just can't see myself really and truly being with someone else.
So what am I doing?
I am turning 32. Its time to settle down. She is clean and cooks and she prays and she supports everything I do. We make such a great team. I have always been so misunderstood. But she gets me. Without trying. My best friend. So loyal. I don't even have to tell her, she just knows. And she knows when I'm lying. I actually don't know what the hell I am doing!
Okay, this problem started because I am just a coward. I should have told her that mum found out things about her. But those things have nothing to do with me or who she is now. And alcohol is just alcohol. Its not like she killed someone.
Maybe I should tell her. I think this break can end. I will tell her. And this one with her sweaty sheets I must dump.
Who is going to take care of me like...
Oh crap! What now? I was driving at 80 wasn't I? Oh man...okay...maybe not 80...argh!
"Yes sir. Sorry sir. Can I see your licence please?"
"Yeah let me just get it for you."
"Sir have you been drinking?"
"Uh, no, well, yes, I..."
"Kindly step out of the vehicle."
To Be Continued...
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