Cocoons & Caves

I heard a conversation or an interview or read a blog somewhere a few days ago. I cannot remember what it was but I remember that somebody said the following.

"Just because they don't say anything, people feel the need to fill in the blanks. Whether the filling in is factual or not, nobody cares as long as there is some kind of information. Doesn't matter who gets hurt."

The truth in this statement made me think about a lot of things. I am not one to claim to have haters. I don't really know what a hater is. Some people love me, others like me, yet others merely tolerate, while others completely dislike me and there are even some who are completely indifferent. They don't care either way. While a select few wouldn't spit on me if I were on fire. I don't know what a "hater" is. And to be honest there are people in each of those categories when it comes to my affection as well.

I don't hold people's feelings about me against them. Nobody should. Its not what I am called but what I answer to that matters. But I can understand the angst of innocent people who become the targets of smear campaigns and deliberate character assassination.

The thing about gossip, malice and slander is that they spring forth from an inner well of negativity that in the end destroys the host more than anybody else.

Its true. A person living their life in peace has no need whatsoever to explain themselves to anyone. But why is it that just because the details of my last meal are not posted on my instagram, you feel the need to assume and broadcast the "fact" that I couldn't afford to have dinner last night?

Social media and its offshoots have basics out here buying dreams that aren't even on sale. I say this all the time. Fact of the matter is, the truth is always either universally known or fiercely protected. And when its fiercely protected people will give their eyeteeth to know. So when they can't find out they make up lies.

Its funny how just because a nigga rocked up in a well cut suit, everyone will assume he is made and the ratchets will crawl out of the woodwork, vaginas buzzing in anticipation, offering themselves as blood sacrifice in the hope that the trickle down effect of his paycheck will lubricate their exorbitant hair budgets.

I have seen this with my own eyes. Women eyeing a man like an actual piece of meat. Little do they know, homeboy is nothing like what he seems and the people who do know who he really is will guard him with their lives.

Same thing with people's relationships. Why is it everyone's business all of a sudden? Doesn't matter if you are Chris Brown or Christopher Banda at the liquor shop, somebody always has something to say about your business.

It all boils down to a lack of self worth. And having too much time on your hands. Its true what they say about small people discussing other people. If there isn't enough going on in your life you qualify as a small person. People really are dying of ebola and hunger and violent crimes and yet here you are discussing other people and fabricating explanations of things that never needed to be explained.

There is safety in solitude. In hiding. In the quiet privacy of my cocoon or my cave where nobody knows anything but me. I can sing out loud and walk around naked, eat leftovers and sleep with the light on when my nightmares wake me up and nobody but nobody will ever see or know who I really am and what I really do or think or need or fear. And that's how I like it. Because who cares about "haters" when you are safe inside your own space?

When I emerge from that bubble, I don't care about anything except returning to it. Because I learned the hard way that you cannot trust anybody outside the bubble. And you can never tell anyone outside your circle anything true. Because good or bad it will be used against you.

When it comes down to it you know, statements have to be made. Things have to be said. Insults demand response. Disrespect demands retaliation right? That's what they say.

So here is an answer to all those questions you have about me, my life, my health, my HIV status, my relationship, my family, my job, my wardrobe, my friends list and the state of my bank account: IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You would do well to remember that the next time you have something to say about me or mine.